Constant confrontation between parents and children invariably ends in separation, causing families trauma. The parents being innocent have no clue of the effects accruing from what they claim as love and care for their dear ones. Blissfully unaware of consequences, they dote on their beloved ones.

Parents’ attachment to their children manifests in two distinct ways:

1. Opulent parents pamper their children by showering money and ap pliances, amenities and facilities limitlessly upon them. The young are thus saturated with luxuries, only to lose their joy.

2. Another class of parents manifest their attachment through possessiveness towards their children. They virtually pester them with constant instructions and directions. They pound them with dos and don’ts, doctrines and dogmas. And their directives in variably fall short of reason or judgment.

In the first manifestation, the parents indiscriminately let loose money and sensual objects of all sorts upon the kids without restriction. The pampering starts with toys, tricycles and bicycles, later with Ferrari’s, yachts, jets and the works. Through indulgence in luxuries, children lose direction and purpose in life. It corrodes and ruins their lives. Neither parents nor kids anticipate the negative effects of such indulgence, that it could lead to a state when one loses the pleasure and joy derived from sense objects. And then one develops boredom which could drive one to commit serious blunders, even suicide. Nevertheless, well-meaning parents continue to pamper their children with sensual luxuries not realizing the impending damage to them.

With regards to the second manifestation, parents’ possessiveness fixes their kids in an iron casket. They are shackled by forceful directions and instructions. And when the parents constantly dictate their doctrines and dogmas to kids, they can take no more and buckle under the pressure. Then one of two dreadful consequences follows. Children become a `vegetable’ or a rebel! In the first case the kid turns inert and inactive, hardly responding to the external world. The kid reaches this state if his nature is passive and submissive and succumbs to the continuous on slaughts of his parents’ dictations. If, however, the kid is vocal and aggressive, he becomes a rebel. He would argue, swear, counter the unsolicited advices showered upon him. He could even turn violent, or leave home.

In either case, oppressive attachment of parents towards their children is a source of trauma to children even though such parents are well-wishing, well-meaning, caring parents! Parents ought to realise the blunder that their love and care lacks the support of a strong intellect. And their rigid controls flow from their emotional attachment rather than a discerning intellect. They must visualize the damage done and the dire necessity of developing the intellect in themselves and their children.

From the newly released book, The Holocaust of Attachment.

(Source : The Speaking Tree)